Short monologue written for Monorogue Productions.


Performed by Mary-Ann Cafferkey at The Hen & Chickens, London, Feburary 2018.


"And he’d take off his bird’s nest and feather me down, from tit to toe, pausing at me lady cuffs, sighing, moaning, muttering in a language I don’t comprehendy, might have been English for all I know, then slowly working all the way back up to the top with a soft tickle of his digits, here - his hands are so soft - and cupping here, and here, and here. And then one time I told him I'd like him to “pinch me, a little harder, yeah, go on, a little harder, that’s it, ooh” - and by then he’d be right full in his majestic and he cry out, like a wolf, in his moment of passion “Fontenoy is mine!” and
just then, in his right royal flushings, victory was his on his very own battleground, and boy, he weren’t afraid to get down - and dirty."


4* Fairy Powered Productions review

The standout monologue, full of filthy slang from across the centuries is Mike Elliston’s ghost, Lucie D’Charcoal, performed by Mary-Ann Cafferkey. There is barely room to catch your breath between the jokes as Cafferkey describes, in hysterically coarse detail, her time as King Louis’ mistress.